Supporting a Grieving Colleague
It is National Grief Awareness Week – six days dedicated to raising public awareness of grief and loss.
Besides the numerous personal losses experienced this year by several of us, we have mourned many others globally, and grief has become a shared emotion – the passing of the late Queen in September, the ongoing concern of Covid and the war between Russia and Ukraine are events that people grapple with daily.
Supporting a grieving colleague returning to work
After the loss of a dear one, life must eventually return to some semblance of ‘normal’. And returning to the routine includes returning to work. Supporting a co-worker during such trying times can provide an immense level of comfort and relief for them; however, understanding how to approach and provide that support may be difficult, if not slightly awkward and uncertain.
Knowing what to say, and equally, what not to say, is especially important during times of tragedy and grief. Approaching a co-worker during a trying time is almost always done with the best of intentions, so do ensure you’re prepared before doing so.
Helpful tips for supporting a grieving colleague
- Be careful with your words
When you write a message to a colleague expressing your shock, pain or condolences, you may be reminding them of their loss in an unhelpful way. Though it is a common practice to say, “May their soul rest in peace,” by doing so you may unintentionally be pulling your bereaved co-worker back into the throes of a deep conflict they are already struggling to wade through – the conflict between loss and acceptance. Your message should be short and to the point, such as: “I am so sorry for your loss and am thinking of you. Please do not hesitate to reach out if you need anything at all”.
Be careful not to be intrusive; don’t ask questions about the nature of the loss. Allow your co-worker to talk if they want to, but let it be their decision as to what and when they share.
- Don’t ignore them
You may feel slightly awkward or unsure of how to approach your colleague but do make every effort to do so. Ignoring them will only make them feel worse and more isolated.
Approach them slowly at first and ask how they are feeling; let them know that they are in your thoughts. Slowly continue to interact, allowing them their space. You can ask if they’d like to take a lunchtime walk with you or grab a coffee. Such interactions will help them feel better and allow you to be there for them.
- Offer support
One impact of grief is reduced productivity, both on personal and professional fronts. While losing interest in cleaning one’s house after a bereavement could go unnoticed at home, a delayed project submission cannot. As a result, the grieving person may feel an extra, unstated pressure to refocus and finish their work on time and with the same precision expected of them before their loss. Or they may forget to attend to daily tasks and routines.
This is where your support is needed. Volunteer to help; this can be as simple as, “Is there anything I can help with today?”.
- Don’t compare
It may feel compassionate to compare to other’s grieving process but avoid doing so. Each person is different and their grieving process will be different too. Allow them to grieve at their own pace and be there for support.
Final considerations when supporting a grieving colleague
If you’ve been there, you understand how important it is to be empathetic, patient and supportive. The best thing you can do as a colleague is to humanely help your co-worker return to their daily routine, without judging them for how they’re coping with their loss and giving them the time they need to deal with it their way.
We hope this guidance helps you feel more comfortable in providing support and if you have lost someone yourself, please accept our sympathies… our thoughts are with you.
